2 Comments

  1. 12/17/2015
    Reply

    > This is because, to put it bluntly, they don’t want you.

    Whenever you start thinking about what anyone else wants or doesn’t want, there are two problems. First, it’s difficult or impossible to know what anyone else wants, so we’re really just guessing. Secondly, what other people want us to do is of limited importance, since we adults who can make decisions for ourselves.

    That’s why it’s often more fruitful to put time and energy into getting clear on what I myself want. While it takes some effort to look into my own mind, it’s far far more doable than reading someone else’s mind. And if I perceive my own thinking, my own wants, then I’ve found something truly intimate with my life experience… far more so than speculations about the mind-set of anyone else.

  2. 12/17/2015
    Reply

    > What setting and relationships exist where you can safely,
    > dare I say even beneficially, get close to another
    > or a community of others?

    Any time a relationship is based on trying to help others, it’s not a problem. For instance, if you have friends or family, and you sincerely care about what’s best for them, that relationship will be safe and beneficial.

    To the extent that a relationship is focused on getting something for yourself, there will be suffering. In the Hare Krishna community, for instance, did you notice that you or others were trying to get something?

    Maybe many people joined the community driven by mostly selfish desires. “I want good feelings. I want to be more spiritual and holy and closer to God than ordinary people.” Relationships based on this type of I/my/me thinking will naturally bring suffering. If people joined the Hare Krishna community wanting to get feelings of holiness for themselves… can you really say they “joined with good intentions”?

    If instead of focusing on what you want to get for yourself, if you enter a relationship focused on what you can do to help the other person, then that relationship will lead to happiness.

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